Imagine waking up and finding THIS on your screen

I don't think I caught all of it. Bad weather is causing frequent disconnections tonight. I am pretty sure chunks of this are missing.

<Stephen66>    Are female moths called myths?
<Stephen66>    Are there any unguided missiles?
<Stephen66>    Are there a lot of virgins in the Virgin Islands?
<Stephen66>    The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?
<Deozaan>    He got to hump the flying monkeys.
<Stephen66>    Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
<Stephen66>    What do chickens think we taste like?
<Deozaan>    Dinner.
<Stephen66>    What do people in China call their good plates?
<Stephen66>    Before they invented drawing boards, what did they go back to?
<Deozaan>    Cardboard.
<Stephen66>    Can you buy an entire chess set in a pawnshop?
<Stephen66>    Can you get cavities in your dentures if you use too much artificial sweetener?
<Stephen66>    If an orange is orange, why isn't a lime called a green, and a lemon called a yellow?
<Stephen66>    If cats and dog didn't have fur would we still pet them?
<Stephen66>    If corn oil is made from corn, what is baby oil made from?
<Deozaan>    Your mom
<Stephen66>    If humans get a charley horse, what do horses get?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If I melt dry ice, can I take a bath without getting wet?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why is there a song about him?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If man evolved from apes why do we still have apes?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If our knees were on the backs of our legs, what would chairs look like?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If peanut butter cookies are made from peanut butter, then what are Girl Scout cookies made out of?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If the funeral procession is at night, do folks drive with their lights off?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If the product says "Do not use if seal is broken", how are you supposed to open it and use it?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If tin whistles are made out of tin, what do they make fog horns out of?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    If white wine goes with fish, do white grapes go with sushi?
<Stephen66>    If work is so terrific, how come they have to pay you to do it?
<Stephen66>    If you ate pasta and antipasta, would you still be hungry?
<Stephen66>    If you can wave a fan, and you can wave a club, can you wave a fan club?
<Stephen66>    If you can't drink and drive, why do bars have parking lots?
<Stephen66>    If you choke a Smurf, what color does it turn?
<lanux128>    lol
<Stephen66>    If you didn't get caught, did you really do it?
<Stephen66>    If you get into a taxi cab, and ask the driver to drive backwards to your destination, will the cab driver owe you money?
<Stephen66>    If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?
<Stephen66>    If you jog backwards, will you gain weight?
<Stephen66>    If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?
<Stephen66>    If you take an Oriental person and spin him around several times, does he become disoriented?
<Stephen66>    If you tell a joke in the forest, but nobody laughs, was it a joke?
<Stephen66>    If you throw a cat out a car window, does it become kitty litter?
<Stephen66>    If you tied buttered toast to the back of a cat and dropped it from a height, what would happen?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    If you're born again, do you have two bellybuttons?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    If your car says Dodge on the front of it, do you really need a horn?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    If you're a kleptomaniac, is there something you can take for it?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    If you're in a vehicle going the speed of light, what happens when you turn on the headlights?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    In court, why do they ask if you swear to tell the truth? If you're planning on lying, do they really think you'll tell them so?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Instead of wasting time hunting and cooking, why don't hunters just use flame-throwers?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    Is "tired old cliché" one?
<Stephen66>    Is a castrated pig disgruntled?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Is a halfback more valuable than a quarterback?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Is a sleeping bull a bull-dozer?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    Is a small pig called a hamlet?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Is an oxymoron a really dumb bovine?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Is drilling for oil boring?
<Stephen66>    Is duck tape made out of ducks?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Is it OK to use the AM radio after noon?
<Stephen66>    Is it true that cannibals don't eat clowns because they taste funny?
<Stephen66>    Is that a flying saucer or a pie in the sky?
<Stephen66>    Is the nose the scenter of the face?
<Stephen66>    Is this bullshit or fertilizer?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    Now that Microsoft is so big, should it be called Macrosoft?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    Sexual harassment at work-is it a problem for the self-employed? --Victoria Wood
<Stephen66>    Since Americans throw rice at weddings, do Asians throw hamburgers?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    Since there is a speed of light and a speed of sound, is there a speed of smell?
<Stephen66>    The Scarecrow got a brain, Tin Man got a heart, Lion got courage, Dorothy got home, what did Toto get?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Stephen66>    Was the pole vault accidentally discovered by a clumsy javelin thrower?
<Deozaan>    That's not what your mom said.
<Stephen66>    What are imitation rhinestones?
<Deozaan>    You're repeating now!
<Stephen66>    What do batteries run on?
<Stephen66>    What do chickens think we taste like?
<Stephen66>    What do penguins wear for play clothes?
<Deozaan>    You already did some of those.
<Stephen66>    What do people in China call their good plates?
<Stephen66>    What do sheep count when they can't get to sleep?
<Stephen66>    What do they call a French kiss in France?
<Stephen66>    What do they call coffee breaks at the Lipton Tea Company?
<Stephen66>    What do you call a bedroom with no bed in it?
<Stephen66>    What do you call a male ladybug?
<Stephen66>    What do you call male ballerinas?
<Stephen66>    What do you say if you're talking to God, and he sneezes?
<Stephen66>    What does Geronimo say when he jumps out of a plane?
*    Deozaan removes voice from Stephen66
<Stephen66>    What hair color do they put on the driver's license of a bald man?
<Stephen66>    What happened to the first 6 UP's?
<Stephen66>    What happens if you get scared half to death, ...twice? --Steven Wright
<Stephen66>    What happens if you go on a survival course - and you don't pass?
<Stephen66>    What happens if you take No-Doze and wash it down with Nyquil?
<Stephen66>    What happens to an 18 hour bra after 18 hours?
<Stephen66>    What happens when none of your bees wax?
<Stephen66>    What happens when you swallow your pride?
<Stephen66>    What if hell really did freeze over? What would we be using instead?
<Stephen66>    What if someone died in the living room?
<Stephen66>    What if the hokey pokey really is what it's all about?
<Stephen66>    What if you're in hell, and you're mad at someone, where do you tell them to go?
<Stephen66>    What is "Soft Liquor"?
<Stephen66>    What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?
<Stephen66>    What is a refried bean? Why do they have to fry it twice?
<Stephen66>    What is shaved ice? Did it have hair on it before it was shaved?
<Stephen66>    What is the diameter of a square?
<Stephen66>    What is the speed of dark?
<Stephen66>    What kind of fruit is in Juicy Fruit gum?
*    Stephen66 is now known as Metshrine
<Metshrine>    What makes cheese so confidential that we actually need cheese shredders?
<Metshrine>    What was the best thing before sliced bread?
<Metshrine>    Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
<Metshrine>    What's the sound a name makes when it's dropped?
<Metshrine>    What's the synonym for thesaurus?
<Metshrine>    When cheese gets its picture taken, what does it say?
<Metshrine>    When cows laugh, does milk come out of their noses?
<Metshrine>    When day breaks who fixes it?
<Metshrine>    When dog food is new and improved tasting, who tests it?
<Metshrine>    When I erase a word with a pencil, where does it go?
<Metshrine>    When night falls who picks it up?
<Metshrine>    When people lose weight, where does it go?
<Metshrine>    When something fades in the sunlight, where did the colors go?
<Metshrine>    When they first invented the clock, how did they know what time it was to set it to?
<Metshrine>    When we say our mind wanders - where does it go?
<Metshrine>    When you put a sheet over your head for Halloween, are you a ghost or a mattress?
<Metshrine>    Where are the germs that cause 'good' breath?
<Metshrine>    Where are we going? And what's with this hand basket?
<Metshrine>    Where did Webster look up the definitions when he wrote the dictionary?
<Metshrine>    Where do they get Spring water in the other 3 seasons?
<Metshrine>    Where does the fire go when the fire goes out?
<Metshrine>    Where does the white go when the snow melts?
<Metshrine>    Where does your lap go when you stand up?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Metshrine>    Where in the nursery rhyme does it say Humpty Dumpty is an egg?
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Deozaan>    Your mom.
<Metshrine>    Where is Old Zealand?
<Metshrine>    Which is the other side of the street?
<Metshrine>    Who killed the Dead Sea?
<Metshrine>    Who opened that first 'oyster' and said "My, my, my. Now doesn't 'this' look yummy!"
<Metshrine>    Who was the first person to look at a cow and say, "I think I'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink whatever comes out?"
<Metshrine>    Who was the first person to see an egg come from a chicken's butt and think, "I'll bet that would be good to eat?
<Metshrine>    Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have an 's' in it?
<Metshrine>    Why are all blackboards called that when some of them are green?
<Metshrine>    Why are America's parks administered by the Department of the Interior?
<Metshrine>    Why are builders afraid to have a 13th floor, but book publishers aren't afraid to have a Chapter 11?
<Metshrine>    Why are cigarettes sold in gas stations when smoking is prohibited there?
<Metshrine>    Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "asteroids"?
<Metshrine>    Why are highways build so close to the ground?
<Metshrine>    Why are raisins called raisins if they are only dried grapes? Why not just call them dried grapes?
<Metshrine>    Why are some gay people so unhappy?
<Metshrine>    Why are there flotation devices under plane seats instead of parachutes?
<Metshrine>    Why are there interstate highways in Hawaii?
<Metshrine>    Why are they called "stands" when they're made for sitting?
<Metshrine>    Why are violets blue and not violet?
<Metshrine>    Why are you expected to slow down in a speed zone?
<Metshrine>    Why aren't there ever any guilty bystanders?
<Metshrine>    Why buy shampoo when real poo is still free?
<Metshrine>    Why can't you make another word using all the letters in "anagram"?
<Metshrine>    Why can't we tickle ourselves?
<Metshrine>    Why did kamikaze pilots wear helmets?
<Metshrine>    Why did the pot call the kettle black?
<Metshrine>    Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?
*    Deozaan removes voice from Metshrine
<Metshrine>    Why do ballet dancers dance on their toes? Why doesn't the company just hire taller dancers? --Fred Allen
<Metshrine>    Why do fat chance and slim chance mean the same thing?
<Metshrine>    Why do flamingos stand on only one leg?
<Metshrine>    Why do flammable and inflammable mean the same thing?
<Metshrine>    Why do hot dogs come ten to a package and hot dog buns only eight?
<Metshrine>    Why do mattresses have springs, if they aren't made for jumping on?
<Metshrine>    Why do people always remember where they were when someone famous was killed? Do they feel perhaps they'll need an alibi?
<Metshrine>    Why do people go to the unemployment office to find a job?
<Metshrine>    Why do people park in driveways and drive on parkways? --Larry Anderson
<Metshrine>    Why do people tell you when they are speechless?
<Metshrine>    Why do pigs have curly tails?
<Metshrine>    Why do the signs that say "Slow Children" have a picture of a running child?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call it 'chili' if it's hot?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call it a TV set when you only get one?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call it 'getting your dog fixed' if afterwards it doesn't work anymore?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call it life insurance?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call it quicksand when it sucks you down slowly?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call the piece of wood a two-by-four if it's only 1 3/4" x 3 1/2"?
<Metshrine>    Why do they call Wednesday hump day, when most people get laid on the weekends?
<Metshrine>    Why do they give you a tape with a VCR to tell you how to use it?
<Metshrine>    Why do they make cars go so fast its illegal?
<Metshrine>    Why do they make scented toilet paper?
<Metshrine>    Why do they put Braille dots on the keypad of the drive-up ATM?
<Metshrine>    Why do they report power outages on TV?
<Metshrine>    Why do they sterilize the needle for lethal injections?
<Metshrine>    Why do toasters always have a setting that burns the toast to a horrible crisp, which no decent human being would eat?
<Metshrine>    Why do tourists go to the top of tall buildings and then put money in telescopes so they can see things on the ground in close-up?
<Metshrine>    Why do we call something sent by car a shipment and something sent by ship a cargo?
<Metshrine>    Why do we call them restrooms when no one goes there to rest?
<Metshrine>    Why do we drive on parkways and park on driveways?
*    Deozaan sets mode +m #donationcoder
<Deozaan>    Yay?
*    Deozaan sets mode -m #donationcoder
<Metshrine>    Why does a grapefruit look nothing like a grape?
<Metshrine>    Why does Donald Duck wear a towel when he comes out of the shower, when he doesn't usually wear any pants?
<Metshrine>    Why does Goofy stand erect while Pluto remains on all fours? They're both dogs!
*    Deozaan sets mode +m #donationcoder
*    Deozaan sets mode -m #donationcoder
<Metshrine>    Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
*    Deozaan sets mode +m #donationcoder
*    Deozaan gives voice to Metshrine
<Metshrine>    Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
<Metshrine>    Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
<Metshrine>    Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them?
*    Deozaan removes voice from Metshrine
*    Deozaan gives voice to app bor0 Champi
*    Deozaan gives voice to dedekind housetier idc
*    Deozaan gives voice to mark_ sactown SkwireWRK
*    Deozaan gives voice to taichimas tonsofpcs vegasjr
*    Deozaan gives voice to y0himba Zero3K
*    Deozaan gives channel operator status to app SkwireWRK
*    Your_Mom has joined #donationcoder
Mar 10 21:38:49 <Deozaan>    Ha ha
*    Your_Mom has quit (Client Quit)
*    Deozaan sets mode -m #donationcoder
<Metshrine>    3. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
<Metshrine>    4. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
<Metshrine>    5. Why is a boxing ring square?
<Metshrine>    6. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
<Metshrine>    7. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
<Metshrine>    8. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
<Metshrine>    9. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
<Metshrine>    10. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
<Metshrine>    11. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the
<Metshrine>    volume on the radio?
<Metshrine>    12. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dishwashing liquid made with real
<Metshrine>    lemons?
<Metshrine>    13. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
<Metshrine>    14. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
<Metshrine>    15. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
<Metshrine>    16. Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
<Metshrine>    17. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
<Metshrine>    18. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
<Metshrine>    19. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes?  Why can't
<Metshrine>    they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
<Metshrine>    20. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
<Metshrine>    21. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
<Metshrine>    Is a no brainer something you do because you have no brain or
<Metshrine>    something you fail to do because you have none? Are all deals on the Interner no brainers?
<Metshrine>    Would you believe that I can make you 1.2 million dollars in just 90 days,
<Metshrine>    100% GUARANTEED using my newly discovered secret system?
<Metshrine>    Why do people believe this crap and invest their money in these scams?
<Metshrine>    Does greedy have to equal stupid?
<Metshrine>    Is it correct or even fair for the 99 cent stores to state
<Metshrine>    that they have never raised prices when multiple items that used to cost 99 cents total
<Metshrine>    are now priced each to total more, i.e. 2/99 cent items are now 59 cents or more each.
<Metshrine>    What about all the 99 cent items that are shrinking giving you less for your 99 cents?
<Metshrine>    Aren't these raised price?
<Metshrine>    Why is it that when someone does something bad, government and business
<Metshrine>    leaders make new rules that wouldn't have prevented it in the first place,
<Metshrine>    i.e. a man brings a bomb on a plane and tries to detonate it so now you can't use the
<Metshrine>    restroom for the last hour of the trip?
<Metshrine>    If you really have to go, do they think rules will stop you?
<Metshrine>    Doesn't it just become a matter of where?
<Metshrine>    Why are there seeds in seedless watermelons?
<Metshrine>    Why are there more overweight (fat) people
<Metshrine>    in the world than starving people?
<Metshrine>    Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?
<Metshrine>    Isn't it sour already?
<Metshrine>    If psychics can really see the future, why don't
<Metshrine>    they all come to Vegas and get rich?
*    Deozaan removes voice from bor0 Champi dedekind
<Metshrine>    How many hours a year do we lose trying to get
<Metshrine>    an actual live human being on the phone
*    Deozaan removes voice from tonsofpcs vegasjr y0himba
<Metshrine>    when we have a problem that the
*    Deozaan removes voice from sactown taichimas Zero3K
<Metshrine>    computer/answering system can’t resolve.
<Metshrine>    Why is milk a necessary ingredient to make instant potatoes?
<Metshrine>    Is milk removed when potatoes are dehydrated?
*    Deozaan removes voice from housetier idc mark_
<Metshrine>    How does one milk a potato?
<Metshrine>    Should a person with a beard wash it with soap or use shampoo?
<Metshrine>    Should someone invent beard shampoo?
<Metshrine>    If vampires don't breath, how can they talk?
<Metshrine>    If the laws of attraction really work,
<Metshrine>    why do most of the gamblers who play in Vegas lose?
<Metshrine>    They all really do think they're going to win, don't they?
<Metshrine>    When people say that the world is getting smaller,
<Metshrine>    do they mean the cans, boxes and other containers
<Metshrine>    of things we buy are getting smaller
<Metshrine>    while the price remains the same (or sometimes even increase)?
<Metshrine>    Who wants to buy 2.4 servings of something anyway?
<Metshrine>    When a grocery store has a section for
<Metshrine>    "Natural Foods," does that mean that the rest of
<Metshrine>    the food items in that store are unnatural?
<Metshrine>    If some foods are organic,
<Metshrine>    are the rest of the foods inorganic?
<Metshrine>    If so, will chewing them hurt your teeth?
<Metshrine>    Why is it OK to sell your blood or sperm,
<Metshrine>    but illegal to sell a kidney or part of your liver
<Metshrine>    which could save someones life?
<Metshrine>    Why are there so many "R" rated movies
<Metshrine>    without nudity? If a movie is already rated "R" due to violence,
<Metshrine>    drug use, language, etc., what does the producer or director think
<Metshrine>    he will lose by showing a little skin?
<Metshrine>    bored now
<Metshrine>    Stop spamming!
<Metshrine>    your mom
<Metshrine>    o_0
<Metshrine>    You broke #doco
<Metshrine>    lol
<Metshrine>    does that spam you as well?
<Metshrine>    leave it on
<Metshrine>    thats what ur mom said
<Metshrine>    !ops
*    dcStephen has joined #donationcoder
<dcStephen>    why is everyone on mibbit!
*    dcStephen has quit (Client Quit)
<Metshrine>    bored again
<Metshrine>    MOUSER
*    Metshrine is now known as ^-^
*    ^-^ is now known as Metshrine
*    Metshrine farts in Deozaan's general direction
*    DeosMom has quit